She Said My Name Before I Said a Word

What I learned about good governance and great leadership from a flight attendant.

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I wasn't expecting much from the flight. I was tired, settled into my seat, and quietly planning to be left alone.

Then the flight attendant appeared at the boarding door and greeted me by my last name. Before I had said a single word.

She already had it. The night before, she'd reviewed the passenger list and made a deliberate decision to show up prepared — to see us as people before we'd even taken our seats.

Of course, I didn't know this yet. I didn't yet know how she worked. Eventually, I would learn her name. Debby. Eventually, I would be captivated enough to boldly ask if I could interview her.

But what I saw and experienced was a great leadership lesson. After all, nonprofits and public bodies are — literally — the public service sector. And I found myself asking: what kind of experience are we making for people?

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What Busy Does to Us

What Debby does so naturally is something I see missing in a lot of organizations — not because the people there don't care, but because busy has a way of making us transactional. We start board meetings without using a single name because we want to get down to business. We welcome new members with a packet and a handshake and assume they'll find their footing. We sit across from colleagues we've worked with for years and never ask how they're doing, or really quite see them.

Attention is the greatest form of respect. And respect, offered consistently, is what makes people feel like they belong — not just fill a seat. When we take the time to be truly attentive to a person, we extend dignity.

We will always be pressed up against what I call the tyranny of the immediate. We are the sector trying to fill gaps in society that will likely never — in my lifetime or our grandchildren's — be fully solved, and with resources too few for the community challenges we face.

The work will always be there.

The person in front of us won't.

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Lead Like a Flight Attendant

What Debby did differently was focus on her role as an experience maker. She designs experiences.

Isn't that what we do in a board meeting? Isn't that what we do when our staff team gathers? Isn't that what we do in our one-on-one conversations?

I'm wondering what it might look like if we thought of ourselves the same way.

Maybe the board meeting opens with a Chautauqua — a storytelling exercise that builds connection before we ever approve last meeting's minutes. Maybe staff time devotes twenty minutes to personal reflection, a little laughter, and recognition of what individuals and teams have accomplished — before we move to everything new that needs to be handled. Maybe our one-on-ones make space for each other's lived experiences, insecurities, concerns, and hopes — without fear of retribution — because beyond the tasks and the projects, we are two humans on a planet, serving the same organization, devoted to the same cause, in a position to help each other out.

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July Is a Good Moment to Reflect

For many organizations, July is the start of a new fiscal year — a good time to think carefully about the experiences that lie ahead and how you want to shape them.

For others, team members are navigating summer schedules, covering for each other, making space for rest. Think about how your support can set someone up for a good time away.

And for many of us — we're on vacation. Maybe you'll have your own 30,000-foot reflection. Maybe you'll meet someone like Debby and be reminded of what it looks like to offer respect, dignity, and careful attention really well.

It was a good reminder for me.

Warmly,

Janetta Cravens