How to Have a Performance Conversation People Actually Look Forward To

One of my team members once said, “This is my favorite time of year.”

Let that sink in.

She was talking about her performance evaluation.

Yes. Really.

It didn’t happen by accident. We built something different. Something intentional. And I want to share it with you — because whether you're a board member evaluating an executive, a manager supporting your team, or a leader trying to do better... performance conversations can go way better than what most of us have experienced.

Here’s how.

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​Step 1: Put Down the Form

Yes, the form matters. It needs to be completed, recorded, filed. But that’s not what this moment is about. The performance conversation is about the person in front of you. It’s not about chasing a score. It’s about building clarity, confidence, and connection. Leave the form in the folder (for now). Show up as a coach, not a compliance officer.

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2: Look Back and Reflect

Start by looking back. Ask them: “How has this past quarter/year gone for you?” Let them tell the story — because they’re the one who lived it. You’re there to listen and learn. This is where the feedback begins with them, not just about them. [That bears repeating. Read that sentence again.]

To shape the reflection, try the Seven S’s:

• Successes – What worked? What are you proud of?
• Surprises – What did you learn that you didn’t expect?
• Stalls – What slowed progress?
• Setbacks – What didn’t go to plan?
• Support – What support made a difference? What was missing?
• Synergies – What collaborations added value?
• Solutions – What shifted things forward?
• Strengths/Skills – What did you rely on? What do you want to grow?

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This isn’t just about the individual — it’s about the system they operate in. This isn’t just reflection. It’s systems scanning. These conversations surface patterns. Sometimes the performance review is actually a mirror reflecting the organization.

So listen for what’s under the surface. Because their story often reflects your systems, not just their choices.

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3: Look Ahead — And Share the Load

Once you’ve looked back, it’s time to look forward. Ask:

• “Where are you feeling energized?”
• “What needs cleared from your path?”
• “Where do you feel unclear? What’s blurry?”

Then align around priorities — together. And here’s the key: this isn’t just about their action steps. It’s also about yours. What blockers can you clear? What tools, relationships, or resources do they need from you?

A good performance conversation ends with shared commitment — not just new goals.

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4: Use the Form to Validate, Not Drive

Now you can pull out the form. But do it after the conversation, not before. We recommend a 1 + 1 = 1 approach:

• They self-assess.
• You assess.
• You meet – with empathy – and co-create the final document together.

Each sees the other’s reality. Together, you land on something honest, inclusive and owned.

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5: Don’t Surprise People

This should go without saying, but let’s say it anyway:

The performance conversation is not the place to introduce a new concern.

If you’ve already talked about an issue and it’s resolved, celebrate it in the “Look Back.” Don’t use it to downgrade performance. Use it to acknowledge learning and adaptability. If it’s still unresolved, be honest — and offer support. But above all: no surprises.

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6: Goals With Soul

Goals should stretch, not strain. They should be rooted in real priorities — and feel inspiring AND possible. Make them:

• Collaborative
• Time-bound
• Skill-elevating
• Adaptive

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And don’t forget: you, too, may walk away with a list. Always include your “to-dos” as the coach: “Here’s what I’ll remove or resource.”

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Performance Conversations are THE Culture

Here’s the truth:

People don’t perform because they get scores. People perform because someone stopped everything, once a quarter and gave them a focused, human moment.
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Those conversations ripple in people’s lives. In the team. They ripple throughout the organization and straight into mission impact.
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And that’s how an organization grows.